Confidence, When Progress Feels Invisible

Why do 74% of people fail to build lasting confidence? They quit during the "boring middle bit" - that brutal stretch where the novelty has worn off but results aren't visible yet.

In this episode of Confidence Unlocked, John M Walsh draws on 27 years of experience working with 34,000 people to reveal exactly what happens during this critical phase - and how to push through when everything tells you to stop.

You'll discover:

• Why the middle phase feels so difficult (and why that's actually a sign of progress)
• What's happening in your brain during those repetitions that feel pointless
• The "evidence log" technique that keeps you going when motivation disappears
• How Rachel, a project manager, nearly quit at attempt 47 - and what changed
• Why counting attempts matters more than measuring outcomes
• The 5 survival strategies used by the 26% who reach high performance

If you've ever started building confidence only to abandon it weeks later, this episode explains exactly why - and gives you the tools to break the pattern.

Based on research into high-performing teams and real client transformations, this isn't motivational fluff. It's the practical psychology of persistence.

#ConfidenceBuilding #PersonalDevelopment #Persistence #SelfImprovement #Mindset #HighPerformance #BoringMiddleBit #ConfidenceUnlocked

www.breakthroughchangemanagement.com

Transcript

Why Understanding Isn’t Building

Sarah’s Early Wins And Stall

The Seven-Stage Confidence Cycle

Attempt And Experience Reframed As Data

Reflection, Evidence, And Volume

Neuroplasticity And The Lag

Bigger Attempts And Missed Breakthroughs

The Arc: Novelty, Middle, Emergence

Five Reasons The Middle Is Brutal

What Was Happening In The Brain

The Juggling Story And Breakthrough

Habits Research And Timelines

Two Types: Boredom Tolerance

Eight Strategies To Persist

Selection Mechanism And Closing

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Let's talk about confidence. Episode 2, the boring middle bit where most people quit. Welcome back to Let's Talk About Confidence. I'm John M. Walsh, and if you've listened to Episode 1, you now understand why most confidence advice doesn't work. You know that confidence isn't a feeling you can conjure up through positive thinking, it's accumulated evidence of your capability built through repetition under pressure. And today we're going deeper. Because here's what I've learned after working with over 34,000 people over the 27 years. Understanding how confidence works and actually building it are two very different things. Most people understand the concept perfectly, then they try to implement it. And somewhere in the middle, when the novelty wears off but results aren't visible yet, they quit. Not because they're weak, not because they lack willpower, but because they hit what I call the boring middle bit. And they're completely unprepared for how brutal that is. In this episode, I'm going to show you exactly what happens during that phase, when you're building confidence, why this period's so difficult, what's actually happening in your brain during those attempts, and most importantly, how to persist when everything in you wants to stop. Because here's the truth: the bore and middle bit's where confidence is actually built. Not in the beginning when it's exciting, not at the end when you're seeing results, but in that brutal stretch in the middle where progress is invisible and every repetition feels pointless. 74% of people quit during the bore and middle bit, 26% who reach high performance, they learned to push through it. Let's talk about how. Quick recap from episode one. We talked about Sarah, the project manager, who struggled with confidence in meetings. She couldn't trust herself to push back. She'd agreed to things she knew were wrong. Then she started practicing one small assertion per week. Starting small, I need to think about that before deciding. And she learned that confidence is built through a specific cycle. You attempt something requiring courage, you experience what happens, you reflect systematically, add it to your evidence, build capability through repetition, confidence grows from accumulated evidence, and then attempt something bigger. Seven stages attempt, experience, reflection, evidence, increased capability, increased confidence, bigger attempt. Simple to understand, hard to execute. But there's a phase in the cycle that catches everyone off guard. Sarah started strong in the beginning, made her first assertions, felt challenging but doable, and building momentum, then reality hit. The assertions weren't getting easier, speaking up still felt terrifying. She couldn't see any progress, and the activity that felt challenging and interesting beginning now just felt tedious and repetitive. Eventually she stopped trying, went back to stay in silent meetings, convinced herself I'm just not assertive enough. It's not who I am. By week six Sarah had stopped trying. She didn't announce it, she just stopped, went back to nodding along in meetings, agreeing to timelines she knew were wrong. When I asked her what happened, she said, it wasn't getting easier. I'd been doing this for six weeks, and I still felt sick before every meeting. I started thinking maybe some people just aren't built for this, maybe I'm one of them. Sarah had quit during the difficult middle stretch, and she's not alone. This is where most confidence building efforts fail. Not because the process doesn't work, but because people don't expect that middle stretch to be so brutal. Today I'm going to prepare you for what Sarah wasn't prepared for. I'll walk you through the confidence cycle in more detail because understanding what's supposed to happen at each stage helps you recognise when you're on track, even when it doesn't feel like it. So let's start stage one, the attempt. You attempt something requiring a slight courage. Now the key word here is slight. Most people sabotage themselves here by attempting something too difficult. They want to push themselves and they get out of their comfort zone. But if you attempt something so challenging that failure is likely, you don't build confidence, you confirm your fears. The right size for an attempt, it should feel slightly uncomfortable, but not terrifying. Success should be possible, but not guaranteed. It should take five to fifteen minutes maximum. And it should be something that you can repeat frequently. For Sarah in episode one, this was one small assertion. I need to think about that before deciding. Not confront the CEO, not challenging the whole strategy, just one sentence. Stage two is experience. You have an experience which may or may not go well. Here's what people get wrong. They judge the attempt as success or failure based on the outcome. I spoke up and they disagreed with me. Failure. No, you attempted something requiring courage, you survived. That's not failure, that's data. What matters on stage two is you attempted it, you survived it, and you gained data about what actually happened. You discovered that it wasn't as catastrophic as you feared. Research and learning shows we learn more from imperfect attempts than from perfect execution. Perfect execution teaches you nothing new. Imperfect execution with reflection teaches you everything. Stage three is reflection. And this is where most people sabotage the cycle. Bad reflection, did I succeed or fail? I failed, I'm terrible at this. Good reflection, what did I learn? What would I do differently? What evidence does this provide about my capability? Let me give you an example from working with someone building sales confidence. They made a cold call, the prospect said they weren't interested and hung up. Bad reflection, that was a disaster. I'm not cut out for sales. Good reflection. What happened? I called, they said no. I said thank you and ended the call. What I learned, they said no but they weren't rude. I didn't die. The rejection didn't destroy me. What do differently? Maybe I'd ask one question before accepting the no. Evidence gained, I can handle rejection and survive. Notice this the call didn't go well by external standards, but they extracted value through structured reflection. That's how the cycle works. Stage 4 is evidence. You add this to your accumulated evidence of capability. Not evidence of perfection, evidence of handling difficulty. And this is crucial. Confidence comes from quantity of attempts, not quality of outcomes. Research shows that people with 100 imperfect attempts have more confidence than people with 10 perfect ones. Volume matters more than quality. One attempt proves nothing. Five attempts starts building a pattern. 30 attempts becomes undeniable evidence. 50 attempts, your brain can't argue with 50 examples. Stage phi is increased capability. Your actual competence increases through practice. And this is neuroplasticity. When you repeat a behavior, you strengthen the synaptic connections. The neural pathway becomes more efficient. The research shows it takes consistent practice for new pathways to begin establishing. It takes much longer for new patterns to become reliably automatic. Repetition matters more than perfection. But here's the problem. Capability increases before you can feel it increasing. Early on, everything requires intense focus. Later on, still requires intense focus and it feels like nothing's changing. And eventually, some parts start to feel slightly easier but barely noticeable. Much later you realize, wait, that felt easier than it used to. There's a lag between the neural change and your conscious awareness of that change. And that lag is brutal because during the middle stretch, significant change is happening, but you can't feel it yet. Stage six, increased confidence. Your confidence grows not because you believe harder, but because you have evidence. After enough attempts, you accumulate evidence. I've done this 50 times, I've been rejected, disagreed with, challenged 40 times, I'm still standing. Difficulty doesn't destroy me, I can handle this. But most people never get there because they quit during the bone middle bit. Which brings us to stage 7. Stage 7 is the bigger attempt. Once you have evidence, you can handle one level of difficulty. You attempt to next level. Not dramatically bigger, just the next incremental challenge. But again, most people never get there because they quit right in the middle, right when the evidence is being built, but it isn't visible yet. So let's talk about why. The boring middle bit is this period between initial enthusiasm and visible results. And here's what the arc typically looks like. The beginning, novelty phase. New behaviour feels challenging but interesting, and you're motivated. Middle, boring bit, novelty's gone, results aren't visible yet, and it's a pure grind. Later, the emergence phase, you get the first hints it's working, behavior becomes slightly easier, and eventually, visible results, behavior is noticeably easier, confidence is building. Most people plan for the beginning, but they're completely unprepared for the middle. And I'll show you exactly what makes this period so brutal. Reason one, novelty is worn off. Beginning, I'm doing something new. This is challenging but exciting. Middle, I'm doing the same thing again and again and again. Researching dopamine shows that novelty triggers dopamine release. Your brain rewards you for trying new things. Once something becomes routine, dopamine drops. The activity that felt exciting at the start feels tedious in the middle. Even though nothing about the activity has changed, you've adapted to it, and your brain is no longer rewarding you for doing it. Reason two, progress is invisible. What actually happening during the born middle bit? Your brain's rewiring. New neural pathways are forming, synaptic connections are strengthening, myelin sheaths are beginning to form around those neural pathways, making signal transmission more efficient. Significant neurological changes occurring, but you can't see any of this happening. All you experience is the same level of difficulty, attempt after attempt. And the gap between what's actually happening and what you can perceive, well, it's devastating. The reality is significant neural restructuring, capability building at the neurological level. Your experience, this isn't getting any easier. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this. Neuroscience research shows us that the middle stretch is when the most significant neural changes occur. But these changes aren't consciously detectable yet. The lag between neural change and experience change is where most people quit. Reason three, the activity isn't enjoyable. Here's a hard truth. The activity might never become enjoyable. Some people love making cold calls, most don't. It becomes tolerable, it becomes easier, but it does become fun. Same with difficult conversations or challenging stakeholders or public speaking or any activity requiring a bit of courage. The activity isn't the reward. The capability you build, that's the reward. But that capability isn't visible yet in the middle stretch. You're in no man's land. Repetition without reward, effort without payout. Reason four, no immediate immediate payoff. Pause. Reason four, no immediate payoff. At the beginning I did something scary. I'm proud of myself. Middle, I did something scary for the twenty third time, so what? The psychological payoff is doing something new is gone. The practical payoff of having built capability isn't there yet. You're grinding through repetitions with no visible benefit. Your brain's asking, why are we still doing this? And you don't have a good answer. Because the answer, because my brain is rewiring and I need more attempts to build confidence, doesn't feel satisfying when you're in the middle. Reason five. The inner critic gets loud. This isn't working. You've made 25 attempts and you're still feeling anxious. Other people don't struggle this much. Maybe you're just not cut out for this. You should stop. No one would know. The inner critic operates on emotional truth, not factual truth. Emotionally, it feels like you're not making progress. Factually, you're right on track. But the inner critic doesn't care about facts, it cares about how you feel, and in the boring middle bit, you feel like you're failing. That's why Sarah quit the first time. Novelty was gone, progress was invisible, speaking up wasn't enjoyable, and there was no immediate payoff. And her inner critic was screaming, This isn't working. She interpreted all this as evidence that she was failing, when actually it was evidence that she was in the boring middle bit, exactly where everyone struggles. Let me show you what was actually happening during those attempts. At the beginning, initial synaptic connections forming. Your brain is creating new pathways for the behaviour. You've got high metabolic cost, behavior feels effortful. The middle stretch, the myelin sheath beginning to form around neural pathways, synaptic connections strengthening, signal transmission becoming more efficient, but not yet efficient enough to feel easier. This is the brutal part. The most significant neural work is happening, but you can't feel it yet. Later, the myelin sheath thickening, pathways becoming more automatic, signal transmission noticeably faster, and the behavior beginning to feel easier. This is when you start thinking, wait, that felt easier than it used to. But most people never get to that later phase because they quit during the middle stretch. They quit right before it starts working, right before the neural changes become consciously detectable. They quit exactly when they should be persistent. Let me give you an example from my own life because I've lived through this art too, and it taught me something I've seen thousands of times since. Years ago I attended a workshop on memory and learning run by the famous Tony Buzan. If you don't know the name, he created Mind Martin and wrote extensively about how the brain learns. And as part of the experience he wanted to teach us to juggle three balls. I've never juggled in my life, but Tony broke it down into small steps, and they were simple ones. Motor skills first, one ball, then two, building it up gradually. All day in every break we'd pick up the balls and practice the next step he'd taught us. There was energy in the room, accountability, we're all learning together, dropping balls together, laughing at ourselves together. By the end of the day I had the basics, I could do the movements, but I still couldn't actually juggle three balls continuously. That weekend I went home, bought three juggling balls, and I practised constantly. I was driving my wife bad. I'd even stand over the bed so I didn't have to bend down every time I dropped them, which was often. And here's what I remember most, the middle stretch. The excitement from the workshop had worn off. Tony Buzan wasn't there. The other participants weren't there. No one was watching, no one to be accountable to. It was just me alone, dropping balls onto a bed over and over again. And it felt impossible. I could see what I was supposed to be doing. I'd done it in the workshop, well, sort of, but alone at home with no accountability and no visible progress. It felt like it would never click. Three throws and a drop, three throws and a drop, maybe four throws and a drop. The activity just wasn't enjoyable, the progress was invisible, and my brain was asking, why are we still doing this? And honestly, I didn't have a good answer because my neural pathways are rewiring. Doesn't feel very satisfying when you're on attempt 23. But I kept going. And by Sunday evening, after hours of standing over that bed, something shifted. I could juggle all three balls for as long as I wanted. The balls just flowed. To this day I can still juggle. That weekend taught me something I've seen thousands of times since in my work with teams and individuals. The arc's always the same. Initial excitement, the workshop, novelty, the accountability, then that brutal middle bit, alone, no progress visible, wanting to quit. Then small signs, maybe four throws instead of three. Then the breakthrough, but only if you persist. The juggling wasn't special, the process was. And here's what's important. I wasn't naturally good at juggling, I have no particular coordination. I dropped those balls hundreds of times that weekend. But I pushed through that difficulty, the middle stretch, and it worked. And that's the pattern. Before I explain the two types of people that we've found, let me share something important from research. Professor Philip Alalli at University College London studied how long it takes to form new habits. Her research published in the European Journal of Social Psychology found that habit formation takes us anywhere from 18 to 254 days. That's a massive range. 18 for some people, 254 for others, for the exact same simple behaviour, like drinking water after breakfast. Why such a variation? Because people differ in how quickly they automate new behaviours. Some people form habits rapidly, others need more repetitions. And that was for a simple habit. Building confidence which requires judgment, context reading, pressure tolerance, is far more complex than simple habits. So the timeline for building confidence varies even more widely. Some people move through the bone middle bit in a few weeks, others need longer, but both are completely normal. That's why I talk about recognising phases rather than following rigid timelines. The pattern is consistent, but the timeline will vary. In our work over the years, we've observed two types. Type one has got high boredom tolerance. This is about 26% of people from our research. These people can sustain effort through the middle stretch relatively easy. Not because they enjoy it, they don't, but because they have a high tolerance for repetition without immediate reward. They can practice skills for hours without novelty, they don't need constant evidence of progress, they find rhythm in repetition, and they trust the process even when it's not fun. Type 1 people are massively overrepresented among high performers, not because they're more talented, because they can persist through the boring middle bit. Type 2 was low boredom tolerance, this was about 74% of people. These people struggle intensely during the middle stretch. Repetition without immediate reward is almost unbearable. They need novelty and variety. They struggle with repetitive practice. They require frequent evidence of progress. They question the progress when it's not fun. Type 2 people aren't less capable. They're not weaker. They just need different strategies to persist through the boring middle bit. Most people are type 2. Most high performers learn to navigate the boring middle bit as type 2. Sarah's a type 2. I'm a type of Type 2, probably you're a type 2, which means you need strategies. Let's talk about what works. If you're type 1, you'll push through the bone and middle bit naturally. So these strategies are for type 2, the 74%. Strategy 1 is expect it. The bone and middle bit's devastating when it's unexpected. When you expect it, it's just a phase to navigate. Before you start building confidence, write this down. The middle stretch will feel tedious. Progress will be invisible. I'll question whether it's working. This is normal. This is where confidence is actually built. I will persist. Read this every day when you're in the middle phase. Because when you're thinking this isn't working, you can look at that statement and realise, no, this is exactly what's supposed to be happening. I'm right on schedule. And that reframe is everything. Strategy two is track your quantity, not your quality. Quality improvements are invisible in the bone and middle bit. Quantity is objective and undeniable. Stop asking how well did I do, start asking, did I do it. You have 40 pieces of evidence, that's progress. That's what matters. When your inner critic says this isn't working, you can point to 40 logged attempts and say, actually, I have 40 examples of doing this. I was afraid to do it. This is working. Strategy three is shrink the practice window. An hour of tedious practice unbearable. 15 minutes is manageable. Instead of practice for an hour, maybe do five attempts of three minutes each. Five distinct wins instead of one long slog. Strategy four, add artificial variety. Your brain craves novelty, so add variety without changing the core practice. Maybe one day practice at your desk, another day practice in a different location, another day practice with an accountability partner listening. Same behaviour, different context, enough novelty to sustain engagement. Strategy five is build accountability. You'll persist for others when you won't persist for yourself. Maybe a regular check-in with a colleague. I had five attempts at that this week. Share your evidence log with someone who'll ask about it. Join or create confidence building cohorts. Accountability transforms the more and middle bit from should I practice today to I committed to practice today. And that shift is powerful. You're no longer relying on motivation, you're honouring a commitment. Strategy six is create leading indicators. Results are lagging indicators, they show up later. You need leading indicators for the middle stretch. Track metrics you control. Did I attempt it five times this week? Yes or no. Did I reflect after each attempt? Yes or no. Did I log at my evidence tracker? Yes or no. If yes to all three of this, you're on track. Even if it doesn't feel like it, even if the behaviour isn't getting it easier yet, even if you still feel anxious, the leading indicators tell you you're doing what's required. The results will follow. Strategy seven is celebrating persistence, not performance. Performance isn't improving notice noticeably in the bone and middle bit, but persistence is. End of each week review. I made five attempts this week. None felt great, some were difficult, but I showed up five times. That's what matters right now. Acknowledge the persistence because that's the skill you're actually building during the bone middle bit. Not the technical skill, the meta skill of persisting through tedium without immediate reward. That's what separates 26 who reach high performance from the 74 who plateau. Strategy 8, use confidence from past experience. This isn't your first boring middle bit. You've pushed through tedium before. Think of another skill you persisted through repetitive practice. Learning to drive, learning a language, learning a musical instrument, building any capability. You've done this before. You know what the boring middle bit feels like, and you know that if you persist, it works. You have evidence from past experience that the process works. Use that evidence. The bore and middle bit is where confidence is actually built. Not at the beginning when it's exciting, not at the end when results are visible. In that stretch in the middle, when it's tedious and thankless, when progress is invisible, when everything in you wants to stop. And most people quit during the bone middle bit because they interpret tedium as evidence of failure. And it's not, it's evidence you're exactly where you should be. Your brain's rewiring, neural pathways are strengthening, capabilities building. You just can't see it yet. 74% who plateau, they quit during this middle bit. The 26% who reach high performance, they learned to push through it. Not because they're more talented, not because it's easier for them, but because they expected it and had strategies to persist and trusted the process when everything felt like it wasn't working. If you're currently building confidence in any domain, recognise where you are in the act. If you're in the beginning, enjoy the novelty, but prepare yourself, the bore and middle bit is coming. If you're in the bone and middle bit right now, recognise this is normal. This is where confidence is actually built. And use the eight strategies. Track the quantity, shrink the practice windows, add accountability, celebrate persistence. And if you've quit doing the bone and middle bit in the past, like Sarah did, now you understand why. Not because you're weak, not because you lack discipline, but because you weren't prepared for how brutal that middle stretch is. And you interpreted that brutality as evidence you were failing when actually it was evidence you were in the process. Next episode, we're going to talk about what happens after you push through the boring middle bit, what it feels like when confidence starts to build, and how to maintain that momentum once you've built it. But for now, remember this the boring middle bit is a selection mechanism for high performance. It's where 74% quit and 26% persist. Will you be in that 26%? I'm John M. Woj. This is Let's Talk About Confidence, and we'll see in episode.