Quiet Gains: How Confidence Really Grows

You've pushed through the boring middle bit. You haven't quit. But how do you know if it's actually working?

In Episode 3 of Confidence Unlocked, John M Walsh reveals what the shift feels like when confidence genuinely starts to build - and why most people miss it entirely because they're looking for the wrong signs.

Here's the truth: there's no breakthrough moment. No sudden transformation. The shift is quieter than that. And if you don't know what to look for, you might quit right when things are starting to work.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• What the confidence shift actually feels like (hint: it's not what you expect)
• The 7 signs that prove confidence is building - even when it doesn't feel like it
• Why progress is inconsistent and what that really means for your brain
• The two mistakes people make when they start seeing results
• When to increase the challenge - and by exactly how much (20-30%, not 200%)
• The "minimum viable practice" strategy for maintaining momentum when life gets busy
• Why each new level has its own difficult middle phase

Follow Rachel's journey as she moves from small assertions in team meetings to high-stakes situations with senior leaders - and learn the exact progression framework that works.

This episode gives you the tracking tools to prove to yourself that the process is working, even on days when doubt tells you otherwise.

#ConfidenceBuilding #ProgressSigns #SelfImprovement #PersonalGrowth #ConfidenceUnlocked #TrackingProgress #MindsetShift #JohnMWalsh

www.breakthroughchange.com

Chapters

• 0:11 Why Confidence Feels Subtle
• 1:26 Sarah’s Turning Point At Work
• 2:36 Three Truths About Early Progress
• 3:39 Seven Signs Confidence Is Building
• 6:05 What Progress Is Not
• 6:45 When To Raise The Stakes
• 7:31 Sarah’s Five-Level Progression
• 8:15 Expect New Middles At New Levels
• 8:52 Four Strategies To Maintain Gains
• 9:53 Weekly Challenge And What’s Next

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:11

Let's talk about confidence. Episode 3, when confidence starts to build. Welcome back to Let's Talk About Confidence. I'm John M. Walsh, and if you've listened to episodes 1 and 2, you understand two critical things. Confidence is built through accumulated evidence, not positive thinking. And most people quit during the middle stretch when the novelty's gone but results aren't visible yet. Today we're talking about what happens when you don't quit. What happens when confidence actually starts to build, what that shift feels like, and how to recognise progress when it's subtle. Because this is what nobody tells you. The shift isn't dramatic. There's no breakthrough moment, no sudden transformation. It's quieter than that. And if you don't know what to look for, you might miss it entirely and quit right when things are starting to happen. Let's make sure that doesn't happen. Remember Sarah from episodes one and two? She felt confidence in speaking up through small assertions. She pushed through that difficult middle phase, kept practicing when it felt pointless. Then something shifted. Team meeting. The lead asked for opinions on a new process. Sarah had concerns, she felt the familiar anxiety rising, but she spoke up anyway. She said I've got concerns about the timeline, based on what I've seen. This seems optimistic. The lead paused, considered it, and said that's a fair point, let's revisit it. Same outcome she'd experienced before, but Sarah noticed something different. The anxiety before speaking, the one that usually sat in her chest for minutes, was still there, but smaller, manageable. And the recovery after, instead of replaying the moment all day, she was back to normal within minutes. Nothing dramatic, no breakthrough, just a subtle shift. She almost didn't notice. And that's what it feels like when confidence starts building. So there's three things to understand about this shift. The first one is it's not dramatic. People expect the anxiety to disappear. It doesn't, it reduces. The intensity drops, the recovery speeds up, but difficulty doesn't vanish. It just becomes manageable. Second thing is it's inconsistent. One day feels easier, next day feels just as hard as before, and the next day mixed results. This inconsistency is normal. Neural pathways are strengthening but not fully established yet. Some days they'll fire efficiently, some days they won't. Don't interpret inconsistency as lack of progress. It's evidence you're in the emergence phase. And the third thing, it appears in specific moments. You won't generally feel more confident. You'll notice specific moments where something felt easier than it used to. Sarah's examples was pre-speaking anxiety was smaller. She responded to a challenge without scripting at first. Someone was dismissive and she moved on without ruminating. Small, specific moments, that's what progress looks like. So here's the seven signs of progress and how confidence is building. If you track these, you've got evidence that the process is working. Sign one, reduced preactivity anxiety. It's not eliminated, it's reduced. You still feel nervous, but you move from I should do this to actually doing it more quickly. Just track how long that takes to initiate. Sign two, faster recovery from setbacks. Difficulty still things, but you're ready for the next attempt sooner. Track the time between setback and next attempt. Sign three, fewer cognitive resources required. The behavior requires less complete focus, and some parts will feel automatic. You can think about other things whilst you're doing it. Sign 4 is reduced physical symptoms. Your heart rate might still be elevated but it's not racing. There's some tension but it's not overwhelming. Your nervous system is recategorising the behaviour from threat to manageable challenge. Sign five is less avoidance. You still feel slightly reluctant, but you initiate without elaborate procrastination rituals. Rare at first, maybe two or three, but you realise afterwards I wasn't thinking about each step, I was just doing it. These moments prove the behaviour's becoming automatic. And sign seven, different self-talk. Not positive self-talk, evidence-based self-talk. Before might have been I can't do this, but now this is uncomfortable, but I can handle uncomfortable. I've done it many, many times. You're not convincing yourself, you're pointing to the evidence. Here's what progress is not. Progress is not feeling excited about the activity. Some people never love it. It becomes tolerable, manageable, automatic, but not enjoyable. That's still success. And progress is not linear. You do two steps forward for every one step back. That's normal. So here's when to increase the challenge. You're seeing signs of progress. And most people make one or two mistakes. Mistake one, they stay at the same level forever because it's comfortable. Result is you plateau, you never build confidence for harder challenges. Mistake two, you jump to the hardest version immediately. Result is you fail badly. Confidence crashes and you retreat. The right approach is progressive challenge. Increase your difficulty by 20 to 30%, not by 200. So there's three indicators you're ready for the next level. Let's look at indicator one. You've substantial evidence at the current level, not five attempts, twenty to thirty minimum. The current level feels noticeably easier than it did during the middle stretch. Not easy, just easier. And three is you're curious about the next level, not terrified. Nervous but curious means ready. Terrified means stay where you are longer. Here's an example of progression how it worked for Sarah. Level one was small assertions in team meetings. I have a thought, 25 attempts. Level 2, more substantive challenge. I disagree with the approach. She had 20 attempts at that. Level 3, cross-functional meetings with people she doesn't know well, 15 attempts. Level 4, meetings with senior leader present, 15 attempts. And level 5, high stake situations with significant consequences. Notice each level is 20 to 30% harder, not dramatically harder. Each requires substantial attempts before moving up. Here's what catches people off guard. Each new level has its own difficult middle phase. Smaller than the first time, but still present. When Sarah moved to level two, she thought, wait, this feels hard again. Did I lose my progress? No, new level, new challenge, new neural pathways to build. So expect them. And once you've seen progress, how do you maintain it? Well here's four quick strategies. One is what we call the minimum viable practice. When life gets busy, don't drop to zero, drop to minimum viable practice. Roughly 30% of your building volume. That maintains the pathways without requiring major time. Two, expect temporary regression after gaps. If you take a break, first attempts back will feel harder. It's normal. Like your first run after you've had time off. A few attempts you're back to where you were. And three is track long-term trends, not daily variation. Day-to-day variation is normal. Track month over month instead. The month versus last month, that's the trend that matters. And four, refresh your evidence log. When doubt creeps in, open your evidence log, count the attempts, look at the progression. Your brain says this isn't working. Your log says you've 60 pieces of evidence that it's working. Trust the log. If you've pushed through the difficult middle phase, you're now seeing subtle signs that confidence is building. The shift isn't dramatic. It's reduced anxiety, faster recovery, less avoidance, occasional flow moments, evidence-based self-talk. Track these seven signs, they're your proof the process is working, even when it doesn't feel like it. Once you see these signs, move to progressive challenge, 20 to 30% increases, substantial attempts at each level, and expect each new level to have its own difficult stretch. So here's your challenge. Track the seven signs this week. Notice what's easier than it was during that middle stretch. If you're ready for the next level, substantial evidence, noticeably easier, curious, not terrified, increase the challenge by 20 to 30%. Next episode, we'll talk about confidence under pressure. Because foundation confidence is one thing. Executing when stakes are high and consequences are real, that's another thing entirely. I'm John M. Walsh. This is Let's Talk About Confidence. We'll see you in episode 4.