From India To The UK: Rebuilding Self-Belief

What if your confidence vanished the moment you stepped off a plane? That’s where Raman found herself after moving from India to the UK for love—suddenly navigating new accents, social codes, and invisible expectations that turned simple joys like a solo lunch into daunting tests. Her story traces how self-belief can fracture when culture shifts, and how it can be reassembled through small, brave acts.

We talk through the early thrills and the harder truths: the weight of history, the sting of stereotypes, and the mental fog that comes from feeling watched through a fixed lens. Then the rebuild begins. Raman finds a yoga studio to anchor familiarity, takes the bus until it’s routine, and volunteers in a charity shop to learn local rhythms of humour and conversation. She chooses HR, studies for her CIPD, and layers classroom knowledge with an internship—earning a permanent role sooner than she expected. Each step resets the confidence challenge at a higher level, and she learns to see not-knowing as a starting line, not a failing.

Motherhood reframes everything. After a traumatic birth, Raman swaps shame for skill-building: seeking a lactation consultant, practising new tasks, and crafting a daily mantra that her actions shape her daughter’s world. We unpack how she designs balance with fewer hours but greater focus, and how open planning with her partner keeps both ambition and care intact. Along the way, we pull out practical takeaways: begin where comfort meets novelty, ask for help early, stop performing to dismantle stereotypes, and treat confidence as a muscle that strengthens with use.

If you’ve moved countries, changed careers, or simply lost your footing, this conversation offers a grounded path back: one bus ride, one class, one conversation at a time. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with the one small step you’ll take this week.

Transcript

Meet Raman And Her Leap

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Let's talk about confidence. Season two, episode four, confidence across cultures. Welcome back to Let's Talk About Confidence. I'm John M. Walsh, and today I'm joined by someone whose story I think will resonate with a lot of you. My guest today is Raman. A few years ago, she left everything familiar, her home, family, culture, and moved from India to the UK to start a new marriage. She found herself suddenly in a world where everything was different, the people, the ways of working, the culture, and the confidence she built up over a lifetime was shaking almost overnight. What I love about Raman's story is that it proves something I talk about a lot in this podcast. Confidence is not a permanent state. It can shift, it can be lost, and most importantly, it can be rebuilt. Over the past two to three years, Raman has done exactly that. She's now a full-time HR professional and a new mum. Raman, welcome.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Thank you, John. Really excited for this.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

You mentioned a wee bit about what I thought was a lovely story, is how you met your husband, took a leap of faith. Would you mind just sharing that with us?

Life And Confidence In India

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Yeah, sure. Um so we were introduced uh by a common family friend, um, and my husband, he's born in the UK, raised here, and I was in India. I think initially we both were really reluctant because I didn't think that I will resonate with somebody who is not born in the same culture that I am. Um but then we started talking to each other and then we we realized that we share the same values and um it will be an interesting life because there are so many things that I can learn from him, he can learn from me. Um he's somebody who is very connected to the culture back in India, even though he was raised here. Um so he was interested in that part of me. Um, and I saw some really good qualities in him that I wanted in my life partner. So initially, what we thought we'll just talk for two or three days or maybe a week, and then we'll just say, okay, I think that that's all. Um but we started enjoying it, um, and then a few months later he came to India to see me. We spent a few days together, and then we decided that we will take it to the next step and we got engaged. Um, and a year later I I had to come here because it was still COVID time. Um, and then we got married.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

Wow. And before we sort of get into the UK and all that, just uh take me back to India. What was your life like there? And what did confidence feel like when you were there?

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Oh, uh talking about India just brings so many memories back. Um I think India is a universe in itself. You will find everything just in India, like different landscapes you can think of, different climates, everything. So it's very diverse and at the same time very inclusive. I come from a family of mostly police officers and military people. So discipline has been a really big part of my life. I think that's something that when now I look back, I can connect that with my confidence.

unknown 3:29

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Um it looked different from the confidence that I have now. Um but yeah, I I had my own journey back then as well with confidence. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

It's interesting. You get what you get from your family, isn't it? It's like and when you made the decision to come to the UK, how did you feel? Were you were you excited, nervous, or did you think it'd just be fine? What did you think?

SPEAKER_00 3:53

I didn't really think about moving to the UK, honestly. I just thought that I'm marrying this man and we'll see what happened. I think the decision was to get married to him, and the side effect was that I had to move to the UK. So I was just really excited. I would say that, you know, when they say ignorance is bliss, that just perfectly suits my situation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

That's brilliant. And it it's the the biggest shock. You say, what was it, you know, so you moved to UK, what's the biggest shock that you went? Yeah, okay. This is different.

Culture Shock On Arrival

SPEAKER_00 4:30

I think the first realization happened when I landed here. All of a sudden, faces changed, how people talk, that changed, you know, infrastructure changed, weather especially changed. Um but I think initially I was still in that touristy mode. I was just enjoying, you know, being in a new place. Um there were there were times when when I didn't feel really confident, but I was not thinking very deeply about it um when I first moved here. Uh the first few weeks were all just being in the excitement. Yeah. Yeah.

unknown 5:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

And in terms of the cultural differences, did how did they affect you, you know, like I don't know, communication styles or workplace norms or social expectations, was anything that caught you off guard?

Language, Work Norms, Stereotypes

SPEAKER_00 5:20

Yeah, I think once I started settling down and I realized that this is my new life, that's when it started hitting me hard, really hard, that oh my god, I don't know if I can do this. Um one thing that was happening inside my head, which I didn't really realize, was I think the history between India and and England. Um, the colonization effect that was really, you know, uh deeply affecting me, and I didn't that realize that for a very long time. And I think that was very exhausting. Um, I didn't feel comfortable doing things that I was normally very comfortable doing. For example, I was very independent, um, loved going out by myself, going to the movies, going for lunch, and all of a sudden I don't want to, you know, take a bus. Uh I don't want to go out for a walk because I felt, oh my god, what if somebody says something to me and I don't know what to do? So yeah, I think um slowly it it became really difficult for me. The communication style, as you mentioned, was different, even though I knew the language, but there are local words or there are lingos that you're not familiar with, so all of a sudden you start feeling very stupid, like I don't know what what this person really said. I don't know how to, you know, reply back to them. Um, work culture, when I started working, it was for the good, I think, but it was still a change. I had to kind of settle down in that change as well, even though I think that the work culture was better than what I had before. Um, yeah, social expectations was the biggest one for me. Um I felt that people had their stereotypes sometimes, and I felt the pressure to break those stereotypes. I couldn't feel like myself uh among new people. I I felt like everybody's seeing me through some some lens. Yeah. Um and that was very exhausting and and took really um big toll on my mental health as well. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

Funny, I don't suppose many people would think about the fact that it struck me when we were talking earlier about this confident life you had in India. And you made it to makes total sense. I mean how you would go to the movies, you could walk, you would go out, wherever, go for lunch. Whereas you come here and all the sudden basic things that you enjoyed suddenly become am I sure about that? So that makes total sense. Did you feel that you could talk to anyone about how you were feeling or did you have to keep it in inside?

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Yeah, I think uh my husband has been really supportive in all of this, he's a very good listener. But there were times when I didn't know, you know, what's act actually happening. Who how how do I go and tell him that I don't want to go for a walk because I feel like I don't know, somebody's gonna come and stab me. I don't know. Uh but yeah, that I had those thoughts. Uh I couldn't go to town by myself. I always wanted somebody to come with me. Um but yes, definitely I I I can like go and talk to him. But there were times when he couldn't relate to those things because he didn't know what I'm going through exactly. Um and when I started working, then I made friends at work and I could tell them that these are the things I'm going through. And it was new information for them as well that we never thought about these things and they become more sensitive towards that. Um, yeah, I I would say that there were people in my life I I could go and talk to, but there were some times when I could just have to talk to myself and try to get out of that mindset.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

Yeah. Did it help talking to others? Was that it did?

SPEAKER_00 9:16

It did. I think it helped me settle down uh when I saw that people are actually exactly the same everywhere in the world. You get good people, you get bad people, and that's that's everywhere. Um and I can't get myself stuck because of those bad people. Uh it has nothing to do with me, it's their own insecurities. And I have to focus on the good. Um and it it really helped when I started talking to other people that this might sound very stupid to you, but this is what I feel when I, you know, go to the town or when I come to the work. Um but when I started seeing that people actually regard my emotions, it started feeling lighter to me.

The Turning Point: Stop Proving

SPEAKER_01 10:01

Yeah. That's good. It's interesting. Was there a a kind of a point or you know a tunnel point that you could pinpoint where you went, okay, I think I'm finding my feet now. What was it?

SPEAKER_00 10:17

I think there firstly came a time where when I felt really stuck in that phase where I couldn't relate to myself. I felt the pressure to prove to other people that, you know, the stereotypes that you have, um, they are absolutely wrong. Um if I understand that you might know India from a different angle, but it has changed now. Or it is not what you think it is. We don't live under a rock. Um I felt so pressured that I have to prove people that this is not how it is. But that somewhere was taking me away from myself because I was always trying to prove something to everyone. Once I realized that I have to stop this, I have to start living my life, that's when uh things started changing for me.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

And that's what was it that that that you started to do then to sort of rebuild your confidence?

Volunteering And HR Path

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Firstly, I I tried to make myself familiar with the world here. So I started taking very baby steps, small steps. Uh the first thing I remember which I did was I found a yoga studio, even though I never did yoga in India, but I felt yoga and I, we come from India. So this will feel, you know, like home. So um, and then I took the bus for the first time. Yeah. I remember I missed the bus a few times, and then my husband had to explain me that this is how you take a bus here. Uh I took the bus for the first time. I went to the yoga studio, I started, you know, going there quite often, and then after that, um I felt that you know, if I want to become familiar with people here, I have to learn how they communicate. So I did some voluntary work at a charity shop for a few months. That helped a lot. Um, and then when I felt like, okay, I I have kind of you know find my place, and then I started thinking about my career, and and and again, there I took really small steps. Even though I had my degrees from India, I could have applied for a job straight away. But then I felt if I want to go to human resources, it's all about humans. So you have to learn how to deal with them, how to talk to them, and I'm really alien to that right now. Um and the human resources has you know policies and procedures, I don't know anything about that. So I decided to do my CIPD qualification. And my husband suggested that maybe with that you can have some practical experience. So let's just apply for some internships. And I started doing both, um, and that's how I got back into my professional life as well.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

Wow, it's what's it I think is inspiring is you you took the you had the courage to take those steps to to volunteer in the shop and and and help to uh take even the yoga thing is funny and you know that you went right, I'm gonna put myself out there. And part of that is you know taking a bus, which is to someone who's aware of this culture, yeah, that's something that they may have done in their childhood and they they know. But all of those things I know uh to some folks it may not seem it may seem strange, but to I think to a lot of people it resonates that these are the kind of courageous small steps people have to take to build a conference like you did.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

And then this bit where um you you go from intern, so you get the jobs intern, and you go from inter to f full-time EHR professional.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:05

And how did that help? How did growing your career help your confidence?

SPEAKER_00 14:09

So um I applied for an internship and I got the internship, and um I thought I'm gonna complete my CIPD in one year, and my internship will end in one year, and then I will start looking for a permanent job. But then I was offered the job before my internship ended, and that was such a big boost to my confidence because I didn't expect that to happen. Um, that kind of reinforced the belief in me that I can do it, and I have to some level proved that I can do it. Um but I think I was just taking one step at a time, I was just taking one day at a time and doing that. And when I got the permanent role, the the responsibilities changed because as an intern you do have responsibilities, but it's not a very, you know, you're not under a lot of pressure. And all of a sudden, I have new responsibilities. So I built some confidence to start that job, uh, but then I needed more confidence to do that job. So so again, the new journey of building confidence started from there. Um again, one step at a time. I I learned everything from scratch. My managers helped me a lot, and and that's how I'm still building my confidence. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

And then on top of all this, you become a mom.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:36

How's that affected your confidence both personally and professionally?

SPEAKER_00 15:41

I don't want this to sound like I had I have a very difficult life, but I think moving countries and motherhood has been the two most difficult things I had to do in my life. Um, I didn't had a really uh the experience I had in the hospital was not really great. I had a traumatic birth experience which shattered me into a million pieces, and then I had to rebuild myself again. Um but now when I look back, I feel like that has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. I have become a much stronger, braver person. Um and my perspective about life has changed. Everything is now very clear to me what I want to do and what I don't want to do in life. Uh I don't want to just, you know, waste my time in doing things that are not going to serve any purpose in my life. Um it's just very clear to me that my daughter is my North Star. Um everything just has to revolve around her. Um actually, when she was a few months old, I created a wallpaper for my phone on my phone. Um it says that I'm her biggest example. Um my actions shape the world she grows into. I choose wisely with love and intention. Um so that's kind of my mantra now.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

That's amazing. And and that comes from what sounds like adversity where you didn't have the best experience, but from it you've came out what sounds a little stronger, which I think just amazing. And it's this, I guess, has that given you that wee bit more of a different perspective on confidence?

Learning Mindset At Home And Work

SPEAKER_00 17:24

Yes, definitely. Yeah. Yeah, because again with motherhood, um I still remember when I had to change my daughter's nappy for the first time, I started crying because I didn't know how to do it. And I thought that's very basic, you will know how to do it. And and I never tried learning that before her birth. But then I think that was the last time when I cried about not knowing things. Yeah. Um, every time I didn't know how to do it, I thought this is an opportunity for me to learn, um, learn something new and build my confidence. So, for example, I wanted to breastfeed her, and it I know people say it's natural and it just happens naturally, but no one in no one just tells you how to do it. Um, I took that again as an opportunity. I found an online lactation consultant, I did a session with them, um, and and from there it was just very easy for me to do that. And and I think I just used that approach since then. I'm using that approach, and even at work, even at home, if I don't know something, that's an opportunity. So, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

That's brilliant. And how how do you bal balance your demands now? You've got the new baby, you get the career in HR, and relatively new, it's still new-ish to the country. Would it where does your confidence come from now, Raman?

Redefining Balance And Time

SPEAKER_00 18:51

My confidence now I think comes from the fact that I can learn it.

SPEAKER_01 18:56

Yeah.

unknown 18:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

It's it's nothing that it's not rocket science, I can figure it out. And even if I feel that I don't have any confidence right now, I now know from my experiences that I can reach there.

unknown 19:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

Um, and when it comes to balance, I think everyone's balance looks different. For me, the balance right now is that I want to spend more time with my daughter, so I'm prioritizing that. But initially I felt guilty that oh my god, I can't, you know, give my full time to my job. But then I started learning how to be more efficient with the time I get to work. So I work lesser hours, but I'm more efficient now. I think I'm still learning, but I think I've I've learned to become more efficient with the time I have at work. And then I get to spend more time with my daughter. And I think when I have to bring myself into the picture, being new to the country or having time for myself, I think it's very important that you and your partner talk about it. Um it shouldn't be someone's default responsibility when it comes to motherhood or anything. So we we talk about it a lot and then we figure it out together. If plan A doesn't work, we go to plan B or we create plan B. I think that's how how we are trying to create the balance.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

But yeah, I think now I've started doing Pilates. So this is something new I wanted to do.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

Still doing yoga as well. Yeah, so I think yoga Pilates.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

So that's how I how I keep on meeting new people. When I feel like, okay, I know the people here now, I need a new challenge, I go to the next thing. So it's Pilates now.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

And it's keep challenging yourself, that's what I think is so so good.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:49

When you think, look back over these last few years, um, what do you think you've learned most about confidence that you didn't know before you came to the UK?

SPEAKER_00 20:59

I think back in India I thought confidence is something that um only people who are extroverts they have, or people who are perfectionists, they have. Um one big change happened to me when I actually started for me most of my confidence, initial confidence came from my parents. Like I think most people, you either get it or you don't get it from them. Um and I thought my parents somehow know what to do exactly and when to do it and what to say to certain people. And I thought, I I don't think I can ever have that. And then I think a few years ago, I started actually seeing that they also make mistakes. Um sometimes they actually don't know what to do, they don't have the confidence, but they just do it, yeah, whatever they think is the best thing to do. And that changed my perspective about confidence. confidence a lot. I think now I feel with my own experiences that confidence, the actual confidence is much quieter. You know, it it doesn't have to make you stand out always. Um and it comes with resilience maybe for me at least I think it comes with resilience. Yeah.

Advice For Rebuilding Confidence

SPEAKER_01 22:17

Wow. If there's someone listening to this that's going through the same or something similar to you. Maybe they've moved to a new country, started a new job, or they just feel like they've lost their confidence. What would you say to them?

SPEAKER_00 22:32

I would say you have already taken the biggest step. Take one step at a time. Don't overthink. And if you have made the decision, just do it. Don't try to be perfect. That's something that I had to learn that i perfectionism and confidence they have nothing in common. Just do it. Even if you make a mistake, learn from your mistakes and you'll be better next time. But take one step at a time and you will reach there eventually. If I can do it, I think anyone can do it.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

You're doing yourself an injustice there because I think we you what what I think just you know the small steps you took the the the the being brave enough to do I mean what I love is you know the Pilates and what that's how I meet new people and going back to yoga that's how you got to know the culture and met new people and understand the people so I think it's great. Do you think confidence is something you build once and you've got it forever or is it something you think you have to keep rebuilding?

SPEAKER_00 23:35

You definitely have to keep it rebuild. I think if you are in the same situations all the time, if you're still in the same environment then you have your confidence. Yeah. If you're just doing the same things for years then you're confident. But once you're put into a new environment then you need to rebuild it again. So it depends if you're still you know very comfortable in the life you have then you have the confidence that you need. But once you are uprooted and then you are put in a new environment you have to rebuild it again new situations, new people anything new, any skill that you don't have you have to build your confidence. Yeah.

Confidence As A Lifelong Practice

Closing Reflections

SPEAKER_01 24:16

It's like a lifelong journey isn't it as we learn new things. Raman this it's been really special conversation. Thank you for being so open about what you went through, how you got here how you've worked your way through it. And I think what I love about Raman's story is that it captures something we've been talking about throughout the series. Confidence isn't a fixed thing. You can have it in one part of your life and lose it in another you can have it in one country and find it's gone when you step off the plane in a new one. Raman didn't just wait for confidence to come back. She worked at it. She built new relationships learned new ways of working proved herself in a new career and became a mum along the way that's not just confidence rebuilt that's confidence earned. We'll see you in the next episode. Until then remember confidence isn't something you either have or you don't it's something that moves changes and grows but only if you're willing to work at it. Thank you.