Competing With Yourself

Losing the thing that defines you can feel like losing yourself. Charlie grew up with football as her identity, her social glue, and the place her confidence came easiest, until two knee injuries made the dream unsustainable. What follows is the part nobody posts: years of feeling stuck, trying to stay “the fitness person” while motivation comes and goes, and wondering why nothing feels like it matters the way it used to. 

We dig into the shift that changed everything for her: moving from competing against others to competing against herself. Running starts as a get-out-the-house lifeline, not a heroic transformation, and she’s honest about how grim those first efforts feel. Over time, the small wins stack up into real self-confidence, leading into Hyrox training, a breakthrough half marathon, and a new relationship with comparison that uses other people’s progress as a map instead of a weapon. Along the way she reflects on an ADHD diagnosis, the dopamine chase of new hobbies, and how a return to Sunday League football helped her finally close that chapter with peace. 

We also talk seasonal affective disorder and what actually helps when winter hits: structure, consistency, a coach for accountability, and a North Star you can keep returning to. If you’re rebuilding after injury, leaving a sport, changing careers, or simply trying to feel like you again, this conversation offers practical mindset tools and a reminder that purpose often appears after you take the first step. Subscribe, share this with someone in their “stuck years”, and leave a review if it helps, then tell us: what’s one small thing you’ll do this week?

Transcript

Welcome And The Core Question

SPEAKER_00 0:01

This is Let's Talk About Confidence, a guest episode. Charlie from competing against others to competing against yourself. I'm John M. Walsh and this is Let's Talk About Confidence. Today's guest is someone who had to rebuild her confidence more than once. Charlie lost football, the thing that defined her through injury. She tried boxing. She spent years stuck in what we've called in this show the bone and middle bit. Not moving forward, not going back. Just static. And somewhere in that process, she discovered something that changed everything. The difference between competing against others and competing against herself. She's now a PT and a gym manager. But today's conversation is about fitness. It's about what happens when you lose the thing that gave you purpose and how you find a new one. So Charlie, welcome to the podcast. Hello, John. Thank you for having me. Take me back to football. So what did it mean to you, not just as a sport, but what role did it play in who you were?

SPEAKER_03 1:06

I think football was who I was growing up. I started really young, so teenagers was my whole mind, my whole brain from around seven probably, was football, playing football in the garden, then playing kind of primary school football, and then building into kind of playing that sort of semi-professional. And I I was successful, like I was good, and that's where my confidence was. I enjoyed it. It was my whole personality, it was my whole identity. Going through school, it was kind of what I was known for. It was like that's Charlie, she just played plays for Choltern, county football. Cholten as well is a team I supported. So, like, how many kids want to say they play for the team that they support? And I was very, very fortunate and it it consumed me, and it was it was everything I loved, it was everything I enjoyed, and it was where I kind of had that escape where I could express myself, and that was my confident little bubble, and I I loved it. It was yeah, I did enjoy it.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

Could tell just by the way you're saying it, it seems like it was good. And it and you sort of hinted in there that the confidence that gave you that's where a lot of your confidence seemed to be coming from.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

Yeah, 100%. Like school was school was easier because I had something to talk about, or like football is kind of as a sport growing up. Most kids are playing football at school. So there was a topic of conversation, I could blend in with the boys, the like girls in P was like, oh, like you was kind of like always top dog, as it were, like sport, any athletics, whatever it was. I was the first forward, first one in athletics, and it was just it just gave me confidence because I was successful, I enjoyed it, and it was because I wouldn't say I am a confident person, that was what gave me confidence. But outside of that little bubble, I probably did lack confidence, but it was something I could kind of use as a foundation to stand on, and yeah, it it served me well.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

And then you lost her.

Returning To Football To Close It

SPEAKER_03 3:24

What happened? So I was playing kind of semi-professional, and nowadays you probably would look at it as professional, but you didn't you didn't get paid, it wasn't how it is developing now, it was still very early stages. I was holding down a full-time job. Football's in theory, probably a part-time job, but just without the kind of return of pay. And I had one knee injury playing for counties or playing for Kent. Was out for a year, took a long time to build, not necessarily like confidence in myself. Like I knew football was my thing. I just need to build confidence to get back on the pitch because obviously it was it was my first big injury. I hadn't actually suffered any injuries before. Took a year, got back into football, and I'd at this point had left Cholton because they just can't, they couldn't fund surgery, they couldn't kind of keep you on the books if you weren't playing. It wasn't a case of they kind of help you rehabilitate, basically. So I went and joined Dartford Football Club. The plan was to sort of build from there and get back into high-level football. And first game back was playing Millwall and just freak instant, 20 minutes in, other knee, completely wiped out, it ruptured ACL, torn meniscus, and that were that was the end of the line. That was that was it. And maybe potentially if there was more kind of funding or more support, I may have managed to kind of get back. If I if I was a man, yeah, I I would have got I would have had private private surgery, private care, physio. But as soon as things like that happened in women's football back then, you're pretty much on your own. And yeah, had the surgery for the intention was to get back in into football, but those two injuries, whilst I obviously when I got those injuries, I had full-time work, that then had a knock-on effect. I had to stop work because I couldn't be a personal trainer and not able to walk around and coach. And then I realized that I'm I kind of was forced to make the decision that I couldn't continue because I couldn't, I couldn't survive, couldn't live, couldn't earn money every time I was getting injured. So yeah, I had to, I didn't give up straight away. It wasn't kind of injury happened, gave up, had the surgery two years later because of COVID, NHS, it was all a little bit slower. A few months down the line, it just it almost became too much, and it slowly became like a fear and an anxiety of like I'm not gonna get back on the pitch. So it was just kind of cold turkey, cut loose, give the idea up. And that, yeah, that was that was really hard. That was the probably still today the hardest decision I've had to make. And I don't think came to terms with it for a few years, probably until last year, yeah, was when I finally came to terms with it for good reason.

unknown 6:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:34

To be fair. Yeah. For good reason. I played because I think you'll remember I played for a Sunday League team last year. And it was really interesting because I was so excited at first, jumped back into football. I felt I got confidence back through other avenues of training, felt fit enough, felt strong enough, joined a Sunday league team, which is something I hadn't really had experience in. So it's quite fortunate that I always did play good level football. And I think I finally discovered that it wasn't necessarily the football I loved, it was it was the pressure, it was the being good at it, it was the success, it was the playing high level, playing for the club that I supported since I was a kid. And going back to football last season for just I think it was about seven games, almost allowed me to to close the door.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:28

And happily close the door this time and just be like, actually, what I enjoy is is being successful in something is the dopamine hit of doing well, learning new skills, whatever it may be. And I think the Sunday League football it it wasn't it wasn't enough.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:48

And I knew that professional wasn't an option probably anymore. And I, yeah, peacefully left it and actually now have come to a good I did it, got the t-shirt, played county football, played high level, and I can I'll have that forever. So yeah, it allowed me to move forward into other endeavours, I suppose.

The Stuck Years And ADHD Focus

SPEAKER_00 8:09

Yeah. Screw it, it's like the almost like a full circle of laws. You'd lost it. What what did that feel like when you in that middle bit where you were you you you knew you couldn't go back to football before you discovered the Sunday League stuff? Physically it must have been something. But what about mentally? What was the how did that feel that you'd you'd lost that?

SPEAKER_03 8:32

Mentally it was so hard because the career I'm in now was built from foot from the football. Like so being a personal trainer, yeah, that just was a natural path from football. So once I almost did lose that, all of a sudden the reason I had well I thought I had gone into p personal training and coaching was off the back of football and that enjoyment. And when that was gone, I myself didn't have anything to drive my own training, my own fitness, my own exercise. And I kind of almost felt like I was living a life whilst being a PT for so long. And mentally it was it was so challenging to try and tell people well, people like you, John, who come to the gym and to live this lifestyle, eat well, train, da da. When in reality, I was kind of the same. I yo-yo'd back and forth. I would train for a bit, then I would stop. Like through that period, my weight was so up and down, and that was a mental challenge in itself. It was quite I almost had job fraud for so long because it was like, how can I tell these people to live this healthy lifestyle? And I'm in theory not necessarily doing it myself consistently, and mentally I had nothing to fall back on. And recently I got diagnosed with ADHD, and I think the reason it never got picked up on as a child was because I had a focus, I had a drive, I had something keeping my brain busy. Football was what I fixated on, and it's what I worked on all the time. So then when yeah, that that middle part, I had no purpose, I had no no reason, I had no drive, or I thought I thought I didn't because I thought in my mind football was the drive. But in theory, and looking back at it now, it was just the feeling of being good at something, it was a feeling of being successful. So, but that, like you say, that boring middle bit took so long to figure out. I did not figure that out until probably a year ago. So you're looking at like a seven, eight-year gap of just nothing, just every year is the same. I worked in different gyms, I'd work up to management, get be successful in that, and and then there was there's other elements in between that where like other issues have occurred and confidence has been knocked, and it was just this little void. Like twin my twenties, that middle part of the twenties was it just feels like I couldn't tell you one vital, really successful moment that probably happened in that. Maybe a couple of things, but nothing that I can be like that was a real defining core memory moment. And yeah, I think that's that showed where my confidence was just just wasn't there. Just didn't value myself or what I could bring anywhere to anything.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

It's interesting, it's it's like the football gave you So the football sounded like it gave you a lot from confidence to your focus, the ADHD is is not noticed because you're focusing on it. But then the definition who you were, etcetera, so that that was you. So it's interesting that middle bit where there's nothing that kind of stuck out for you. Confidence levels and that middle bit, where were they?

SPEAKER_03 11:48

Low, probably. I mean there was times where because I think you spoke about it before, where I started different hobbies and like I've done random things, John. Like I've done I've done cart fishing, as I've told you before, boxing, and I become good at them. Like I yeah, I put everything into it. And it's that like dopamine hit at the start of oh my god, it's so exciting. I need to buy everything for this, I need to sign up to everything, I need to and like splashing cash and just going so deep into things. I mean, like carp fishing, I I got I'm very fortunate. I'm still sponsored by like top companies globally, and that's like something I built in like two years just because I was so I I mean this was COVID as well, so I'm stuck indoors with nothing else to do. So my whole time is consumed watching YouTube videos, going fishing, because it was one of the only things that you could do in COVID, and I became yeah, I became really, really good at it. And but obviously, as well, as much as that did help mentally, it was very relaxing, calm. It's also it was extremely sedentary. So as I got spat out the other end of COVID, all of a sudden I'm back at work, I'm back in a gym. Very like over, like I was 13 stone, which is like that was the heaviest I'd ever been. And as much as I did love the fishing, I enjoyed it, and I could have potentially like created a career out of it, and I still will go fishing from time to time. It's not something I do as religiously as I used to, but yeah, spat out the other end. It I yeah, confidence again was just completely knocked. I've gone back to work, overweight, and it was just had these little highs, but they didn't they didn't last. They didn't last.

SPEAKER_00 13:30

Yeah. So and I think where we first met at the gym was you'd joined and it was probably about four months later you went to the football and maybe longer. Yeah, a little bit longer.

SPEAKER_03 13:44

Maybe a little bit longer. Kind of joined the October 24.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:49

And then it was the end of the season, so probably then around yeah, so maybe about four or five months. So yeah, probably Yeah, it would have been the end of end of the twenty-five season, so around June, July time.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

I could see the the the I guess the change that when you there was a spark came back to you when you started doing the the Sunday football.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

But then from that you did go through that phase quite quick, I think, because you realised that the challenge wasn't as much as we'd expected.

SPEAKER_03 14:23

It's yeah, I think it was definitely the challenge. It was it was so because it's n it was mental to me that I all I had wanted for seven years was to get a ball back at my feet and run around that pitch and score goals and I had wanted that for so long, and then all of a sudden I had it back, but there was just something inside me that it didn't unlock, yeah, and it was so bizarre. So I was like, but this is all I've wanted, and then I think I did just start to realise that okay, maybe it's not, it's not the maybe it was never the football, maybe it was I don't know, the success I was achieving and everything that was coming to me from the football. Because then I thought, well, why did I enjoy fishing so much? Because it's nowhere and it's a complete opposite of football, it's complete opposite of boxing. It's like why, why did I enjoy it so much? I think it was just the the being good at something and and having that confidence that you are good at something. So yeah, I think that kind of sparked me to I mean, I'd already started dabbling in some sports and running and high rocks and stuff, and again, very fixated on those things and wanting to become good at them. And running was something I was always told, don't even entertain it. Your knees are not designed to run, and I just took that on board and was like, okay, I won't run. Come become victim. I almost become victim to my own injuries. I was just like, oh yeah, I can't do those things, so I'm not gonna do those things. And I'm a profession at making yourself fit and strong. Yeah. Ludicrous that I didn't think, well, I can actually solve this issue myself. And I think I started to understand my own value of no, you can do something, you can do something about this. Stop moaning about your knees, stop moaning about past experiences, like yes, those things have happened, but like you're in charge of doing something about it. True. You are you you do have the controls of your own life. And until I physically unable to move, I will I will keep doing it. I that's what I enjoy. I love the dopamine hit of being successful in anything, something, tiddly wings, whatever it is, I don't care.

The Shift To Self-Competition

SPEAKER_00 16:39

I will win. I think there was there's definitely a conversation I remember we had where you was round a bit towards when you'd realised the football wasn't really giving you. And I think you just started to do the running. Yeah. And and it was I remember it was something along the lines you'd said, like, I've always spent my time it was almost like comparing myself against others in sport.

SPEAKER_03 17:05

Yeah, a lot.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

But with running and high rock still, you'd said, but suddenly I'm competing against me.

SPEAKER_03 17:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

Tell me about that shift.

SPEAKER_03 17:13

That that shift was I think because I was all I do and I do still now compare myself to others, but I've changed that dynamic on how I compare myself to others. I almost it used to be a case where I'd look at others and be like, oh god, I'd never do that, or I wish I could do that. And then you kind of you let that overwhelm you, and you kind of then you doubt yourself. But one of my favourite sayings is doubt, doubt is only dangerous if you doubt yourself.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:45

And I kind of flipped it on its head and was like, okay, well, instead of looking at these people and thinking, oh, I wish I could do that, go and buddy, do it. Why can't I do it? So I then started to still compare, but use like look at their stories, look at their journeys. Okay, well, how did they get from A to B to C to D? How can I then do that as well? And I think that was definitely where I started to change my mindset, and I just I just I just started doing it and stopped comparing running data and because I did that when I first started running, it was more of a clarity thing. It was never to go anywhere, it was when I'd basically I'd I'd moved back home after a bad relationship and didn't have a job, didn't have any money, and it was just like I just need to get out of the house. And that was where it started, and I just put my running shoes on, put some music in my ears, and it was it was awful. I it was horrific, but it's that for me that drive of right, well, next time we'll go out and we'll go for longer, we'll add an extra kilometre on. And that was not because someone else had done that, it was because I was wanting to beat me. I wanted to get myself out of a very dark hole, and the clarity that running then gave me was right, this is I'm unlocking that that football kind of key again, but with something else, and that rolled into high rocks, and obviously, like the people I've met at my my now work, and yeah, that just don't don't compare against others, and that battle against me has unlocked so many barriers, so many walls, and I'm now doing things I never thought possible, like the half marathon recently.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

Like I never I was always told Congratulations, yes, thank you, John.

SPEAKER_03 19:41

And then what was it? 139? 139 My first half marathon, yeah. Which I mean, if you had told me I'd even run a half marathon, yeah. If you told my surgeon who did my knee surgery that I was running a marathon, I don't think he'd be too best pleased because he told me to avoid road running at all costs. And I'm glad I ignored his advice. So yeah, it's I'm just unlocking new things all the time that I I I shock myself, like I do surprise myself, and it's football, I knew I was good at it, and I never remember having to learn to play football, learn skills. It just did come naturally to me. Where everything I'm doing now, I'm having to learn, I'm having to challenge myself, I'm having to push myself. It's not natural. Running was never something I was naturally good at, and now it's yeah, it's exciting, it's it's undefinitely unlocked a new confidence for sure.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

I think what what I find fascinating here, Charlie, is it and you know the you know the work we do and we talk about confidence a lot, and it's like there wasn't this big hallelujah moment, it was like I've got to get out of the house, put my shoes on.

SPEAKER_03 20:51

Yeah, yeah. Never forest gump moment, really.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

He said, you know, I hate it, it was awful. Yeah. And I think everybody well I'm not going to say that's terrible to say everybody, but there is a misconception, I think, where we think I've got to be good at it before I can do it.

SPEAKER_03 21:06

Oh god, no.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

Or if I go out and do it, I will be good at it. Because the reality is when we try something for the first time, light running.

SPEAKER_03 21:14

Yeah. It's shocking, aren't you? Oh, it was awful. It was it was terrible. I look back on it now and I'm very like, I I'm proud of it. Like I I put a post up after my half marathon, and it was it's kind of this trend on TikTok, it's like day one or one day, and day one, that run, I think I just about managed 5k. I definitely stopped during it. It wasn't a continuous 5K. I think my average pace for those that are into their running was 718 or something, and I guarantee my heart rate was probably 180. And then I've just then completed a half marathon. My average pace was 444, average heart rate's like 173, and it's like I I probably couldn't have done that for 100 meters a year and a half. So that yeah, I wouldn't have believed you if you had told me that's where I'd be that first run. Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

It's like what you what you've done is the epitome of building confidence. It's the go and do a run and then the next day you go, I I'm gonna do a kilometer more because I want to do a kilometer more.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

And I guess that's the flip that that's interesting. Imagine you were talking to folks out there that were saying they are comparing themselves to others, but you found this kind of maybe is it too big a word to say salvation? No, it's no, yeah, so it's you found it through competing with yourself as opposed to others.

SPEAKER_03 22:43

Yeah, 100%. Because I I would never say don't never compare yourself to others. But if usually if you're comparing yourself against someone, it's because you admire what they do. It's because you you look at it and think, oh, I wish I could I could do that. I wish I was running a 5k or whatever it is they're doing. Yeah, yeah. So instead of seeing it as that negative, look at it and think, right, okay, well, if I wish I could do that, what what can I do to do that? Instead of letting it kind of affect you in that negative sense of feeling like you can't, feeling that negativity of oh, like I'm not capable. As soon as you tell yourself you're not capable, you're not you're not gonna do it. But if you look at it and think, that person's always gonna have started somewhere as well. Like you said, like my first run to now, that first run was awful. And now people do probably only see the the end, or not the end, it's nowhere near the end, it's me just scratching the surface, but people do see that part and they probably think, Oh god, I'd love to do that. And I had comments of people being like, It's amazing what you've done, and but it's like but you can do that as well. Yeah. You you can go and run a half marathon and you can you can do anything. If you put your mind to something, yeah, it's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

I think there's a there's a diamond in there that you've just said, Charlie. And it's to do with it's great to compare yourself against people you admire. But I'm trying to find the other bit, but it's bad to compare ourselves against people because we don't think we're good enough.

SPEAKER_03 24:13

Yeah. It's like very contradictory, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 24:15

Yeah. I admire them, but um then it leads you into the whole TikTok, the whole Instagram, Facebook, etcetera. And it's like It's there, is that if I'm comparing myself against people and it makes me feel bad, I'm doing it wrong, I guess, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 24:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:39

It's a really good you know, you said it in Amongst Art and it was like when you said it it got me thinking about it. I mean there's an old saying we used to say and it's probably about somewhere where it was like if you want to fly with the eagles, don't mix with the turkeys, sort of thing. And it's that that's but it's so easy into when you're sitting there watching something on television that's not quite got your attention and you're doom scrolling, yeah, and you're watching all this success or nonsense or whatever it is, and you start to believe that because you're exposed to it so much.

SPEAKER_03 25:06

Yeah, and we we all are, aren't we, now? It's there's social media is powerful and it can be a very, very useful tool. Yeah, we can use it to our advantage, but it's very easy to let it negatively affect you. I mean, you've got now, I mean when I even when I first started running around like football time just to keep fit, we didn't have Strava, we didn't have I never went out with a garment on. I just went out, ran to the I don't know, the local shop and bag. I don't have a clue how fast I was running or the distance I ran. Or just did it to, I don't know, just keep fit, get out and whatever. And you didn't ever look at numbers and be like, oh god, so and so did it in this time last week. I need to you didn't have that. So now it is like it is so easy to compare, but it I it unlocks a competitive aspect in me that I think, oh, I wanna, I wanna do that, I can do that. And I'm surrounded by so many people at work now. I'm when I first started, I was, I just remember being in this room, we had a training session, and I made an excuse to leave because I just it was awful. I couldn't keep up. And it was the first time I'd kind of had that experience of not being the best at something in the room.

unknown 26:20

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 26:20

And I could quite easily have just been like, this is not for me. I need to and I did have that moment, I had that moment. I thought, I need to quit this job, I don't fit in, I don't, I can't keep up with these people. I'd never heard of high rocks. Running was not something I'd entertained in terms of like racing or whatnot. And but then I very quickly was like, right, I need to, I need to keep up with these people, I need to be better. And that is something I never had in football. So that's like a new confidence and a new sort of thing I've unlocked as time's gone on. Actually, I've got to work for this because football I I didn't. It was I was good. I was good, John. It was uh very natural to me. So yeah.

Managing Seasonal Affective Disorder

SPEAKER_00 27:06

That's interesting, mate. It takes you, it it takes you where you're good at something naturally, and then you have to do something that you're not good at, but you learn it. But to be fair, you're you're definitely resilient because go back to the catfishing, the boxing, the all these things, you'd done them till you were at a good standard, and then you went, oh this isn't doing it for me. No, whereas this seems to be doing that thing. Now tell me about this, just changing the the subject a wee bit. You mentioned about seasonal disorder, what what's that for I mean I'd I'd be honest, I don't know much about it, I've got a idea about it. But so what happens? What's the story?

SPEAKER_03 27:40

So pretty much once that daylight is limited through the kind of winter period, as soon as that hits for me, my my general mood is it drops, my my motivation, my sort of I don't know, just drive to do anything is very depleted. It's I just feel almost like tired and drained just 24-7. And it's something, again, I kind of played victim to, same as when I was having kind of like my knee injuries and things like that. And I did sort of allow it to be all-consuming sometimes, and I did lean into it a little bit too much, and and that's not just to say that you can just go, oh, just get over it, it's fine. It's something I had to learn, right? How can I how can I move on from this? How can I kind of make that period easier? Because it's always gonna be difficult, but how can I then make it more manageable? Because and I would say to be honest, I'm still figuring it out, not every day through sort of those kind of darker days in terms of gen actual daylight. Yeah, it's not like I've got it solved now, it's not like I've got the answer, but it becomes a lot more manageable. In the last two years, that's been a lot more noticeable. I can, especially the last winter just gone, that was probably because we're kind of coming out of it now, so I'm starting to get that sort of good vibe, good feeling again. The sun's the sun's creeping out again. And yeah, it's it's difficult, but I've started to manage it again, and I think that's because as well, I've got this sort of building this new confidence with a purpose. I've got I feel like I've got purpose again. The last year I feel like I've got got purpose, and it's yeah, I think consistency is probably the key to pushing through it. It's creating structure, kind of pushing through the when you feel like you can't get out of bed instead of falling into it, and there are still days I do. But okay, well, I've done I done this last week, I felt this last week, but I just got up and did it. I got out and done it. And having like a I've got a coach as well, she's brilliant, keeps me accountable, and that accountability helps as well. I've got to, I've got to train, I've got to stick with it, I've got these goals, and I need to honour those goals. And that has probably been what's helped me the most through, especially through this last winter, and it's probably the mo the the best I've managed.

SPEAKER_01 30:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:17

The kind of the the SAD, I'd say, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 30:21

So and and what I've heard there is it's like you've got a whole bunch of stuff, you know, it's not just one thing.

SPEAKER_01 30:27

No.

SPEAKER_00 30:28

So it's the sometimes saying to yourself, just do it.

SPEAKER_01 30:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:31

Sometimes saying to yourself, I can't do it, and I'm and I'm accepting it.

SPEAKER_03 30:36

Okay with that. I struggle with that part the most. I struggle with that part the most.

SPEAKER_00 30:40

Having support, a good coach that helps you through it.

SPEAKER_03 30:43

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:44

Knowledge, purpose where you're high locks with running. It's it's good. I think often with confidence we forget that it's not just one thing, is it? No. You've got to do stuff to to build the confidence. But you sometimes you need support in doing it. Sometimes you need to I loved what you said about accountability as well.

SPEAKER_03 31:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 31:03

You took accountability for it. I did. She said, I'm gonna do this, which I think is and that's what it's about, Charlotte. It's about how do we get through these times when and what's been interesting, okay, so football super confident, then you lose football, the drop in confidence, then you get into COVID and we end up being carp and sponsored, yeah. And you get confident that, and then the world opens up again, and you go, Crazy, I'm heavier than I was, and I've not been exercised, I'm meant to be a PT, you know. So confidence goes down and it comes. And do you know what? That's I think that's everybody on the planet that goes, Wow, I feel super and then something comes along in life that challenges it and it and it dips and it moves.

SPEAKER_01 31:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

Just at the end of you were saying a bit, you know, you you kind of feel like you got it together. We call it the North Star.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

Yes.

Rock Bottom Run And Finding Purpose

SPEAKER_00 31:51

So it's like when you're navigating in the old days, you would always look for the North Star because that would tell you where you were on the planet. Because it's the only star that doesn't move, it's the one that's solid. That's it. And it's what was it, you know, you talked about not having that north star, what changed? Was it a moment that that made you change it, or was it gradually? Did you build it gradually? What what was it that made you suddenly focus and realise your North Star?

SPEAKER_03 32:13

Yeah, I love the the North Star sort of narrative. I was spending I spent a good two years wandering around in the dark with my eyes shut, um, and I could not see that North Star. I would say the the change in point for me, so I spent two years in in a relationship that was was not good. It kind of was off the back of I was working in London, I was a manager of a Nuffield Health and like was successful. I'm twenty I'm 23 at this point as well, so I'm young. I've got enough money that I'm looking at getting my own place, getting my own mortgage on my own, which these days is hard to do anyway. At the age of 23 was amazing, and I'm this peak, and I've probably at that point found that's when I'd kind of found that confidence after football. So that before this was kind of when football had gone. And unfortunately, just took kind of went off went off the path a little bit. I've I've I've met someone, wasn't great, kind of got I don't like to use the word manipulated or whatever, but I was kind of twisted into leaving my job, the career I'd built, following their journey instead. So they were they were uh professional in their sport. And I'm I one thing I do pride myself on is I'm a very, very giving person. I'm I'm like caring and and I want the people around me to do well. And I lent into this almost too much and completely lost my identity. My my own purpose became their purpose.

SPEAKER_01 33:58

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 33:58

And I think that I had that drive to help them because all I ever wanted was to be a professional in my sport, and I didn't have that anymore.

unknown 34:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:10

So then I kind of I cared about this person and I wanted to push that and help them. That kind of got taken for granted. A couple of years went by, all the money I'd saved to get my own place, that was gone. It was invested into them, taken away from home, like moved miles away. And then all of a sudden I I I felt I I was sort of trapped. I had I had no money, I was very much financially reliant on them because that's kind of how it's been made to be. And then it just got to a point where leaving and having nothing was was better than than staying in the end. And then the turning point, it it was sort of, it was definitely on one of those early runs that I went on where I was just I was getting out for clarity. I was back on my back at my mum's. She had moved to Cambridge and home had always been Kent, so she had moved in the time I'd moved as well. So I didn't know the area, didn't have anyone around locally, didn't know anyone. Sleeping on the sofa bed in in the dining room, no, no money, no job, literally at the lowest I've I've ever been, and had no purpose. There was nothing, had no North Star, had no, just not like genuinely nothing. It felt like I had nothing anyway. And then I just one day was on this run and I just thought to myself, if I could have got up every day for two years to take this other person to work, to the gym, to train, prep all their food, do all these things day in, day out, repeatedly, like clockwork, for two years. Why the bloody hell are you not doing it for yourself? Why are you not getting up for yourself at 5 a.m. to go to the gym? Why are you not sitting on a Sunday evening meal prepping for yourself? Like, yes, okay, you lost football, but what's stopping you still driving for something like that? And that was as much as that was a real low, that is something I'll almost be grateful for for the lessons that I took so much from that, and I kind of almost developed this selfishness but in a in a good way, of sort of like just just do you, just focus on you. And I did that for a good good year, got the job at the barn, best thing that ever happened to me. I got that two weeks or two or three weeks after I'd moved officially back home with my mum, and yeah, that created friendship groups, that created a new love for for fitness. I found this crazy thing called HyRocks, thanks to thanks to Ellis, my friend at the barn and running, and all of a sudden the the the world just opened up, and finally for the first time in years, I felt like I had a path I could, or a few paths that all of a sudden I could choose, I could pick them, I could put into building these roads myself, and and I haven't I haven't stopped since. I'm full force steam ahead.

SPEAKER_00 37:22

We we remember the first sessions with you at the the the gym and you're such a different person from them.

SPEAKER_03 37:29

I feel different, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

Yeah, there was definitely a you could see that you could see there was a nice person there and someone that knew what they were doing.

SPEAKER_03 37:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:38

But you could see that they were a wee bit shy, lacking in confidence.

SPEAKER_03 37:42

I I didn't value myself at all then.

SPEAKER_00 37:45

I did not never came through but the the shyness kind of came through.

SPEAKER_01 37:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

But I think three weeks later you were it was almost like you I think you might even have said to us, I felt a bit shy at the beginning, but I feel like I belong, you know. Yeah. It was a quick where you realised that the people and your clients not valued what you were telling them.

SPEAKER_01 38:07

Yeah, yeah.

Becoming A Better Coach And Leader

SPEAKER_00 38:08

And because you you were different after I'd say a month or something like you were like whew, a different Charlie, which was which was real interesting.

SPEAKER_03 38:17

I definitely had like job forward to start. And then I think I've always had like a because sometimes you not that you fake confidence, but sometimes you can put on that front. Like it's I'd been a P like now I've been a PT for 11 years and I've done it for so long that you can almost even on those bad days, you can still you can still bring the energy, you can still put on that that kind of that front, that face. And I I always had that, but I think until I until I had my own coach, I in that 11 years had never valued what my job actually meant and what I could actually do in the position I was in. All of a sudden, I was like, God, this person's changed my life. I'm accountable, I'm training, I'm I feel the fittest I've been since football, I'm healthy, and this person like had like hugely helped me and then like me and Lydia, my partner now, like the amount of like support she gives me and encouragement she gives me, and all of a sudden it was like, God, I actually I have something to give. I do, and I can be these people that are holding me accountable, supporting me. And I think when I realised how valuable I could be to the members and to the clients, I think that's when my mind switched from just standing coaching in a room with six people and just delivering a session to all of a sudden it's that I'm not just a coach here, like I can, but I am changing lives, which is nuts. Like to say, like I'm not a brain surgeon, but I'm still changing lives, and it's amazing to see and it's an amazing feeling, and realizing that you are that valuable in these people's lives that walk through the door every day is is a really good feeling.

SPEAKER_00 40:07

Really good. What do you think your North Star is now? What's driving you forward now?

SPEAKER_03 40:12

God, North Star now is I think it's the constant of wanting to be better. Now I've done things that I never thought I could do. It's like, right, what could I do next? What like it's like the North Star is always the same. It's always let's start this challenge and let's be good at it. But then it's like it does then slightly change a little bit every time. It's like, right, we'll do a Hyrux just to do it. Okay, right, we did that. Let's now go and do then. I did a so I did it by myself. First one was a doubles, right? Let's do it on my own, see what we can do. Then it was like, okay, running, we're gonna start that to help the Hyrux. And I was like, no, let's let's go all in, let's let's see what we can do for a half marathon. And now it's it's just this never-ending book this, book this, book this. But I don't think it's necessarily the events, it's it's the bit before the events, it's unlocking new things every time. It's a new challenge, a new battle, a new feeling. And it's just I'm constantly unlocking new drives, as it were, or new like there's points where I hit the half marathon and I was like pain cave, it's hurting. But then I unlock it, and that's unlocked forever. Then I can take that into the next race. And next time I feel that, okay, we can do this, we've done it before. But if you always stop at that door and you don't unlock it, you're not getting through it. So, and I think that's what that's what drives me is the the difficult the the not fun parts that then create the enjoyment weirdly for sure.

Practical Advice For Building Confidence

SPEAKER_00 41:50

That's funny. It's the difficult parts that that motivate you. If you could go back, talk to yourself, imagine those stuck years, you know where you are you described them so well. What what would you say to yourself, you think now knowing what you know now, so imagine like think of the folks listening that might be in those stuck years, what what would you say to you, what would you have said to you, what would you say to them?

SPEAKER_03 42:14

I think always having a purpose no matter what it is, it could be like the smallest thing. It doesn't have to be like complete half marathon, do this, do that. It could just be the smallest thing, but having that purpose and having feeling value in yourself, I think that's where I've discovered that sort of that confidence and the and the drive. And it's always been there, it's I've always had it, but without purpose, it's hard to bring that out. Like if you don't have a goal or a focus or something to sort of head towards, like having your north star. If you don't have that north star to head towards, you are just gonna be wandering around in circles, and you're just gonna be stuck in the same spot or returning to the same spot every time. And I think it's yeah, just finding what what gives you that spot, what gives you that drive. And most of the time, it might you might have an idea of what it is, but going through that journey towards it, it might not actually be what you think it is, but you might discover something else.

SPEAKER_00 43:21

So yeah, you're always gonna do something that then leads you to something else, but you might you might not know what that something else is until you start doing something. So that may be a bit opaque. I guess it's like you know, you done fishing, which then led you to something else. Which then led you to the barn.

SPEAKER_01 43:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:42

Which then led you to back into running.

SPEAKER_01 43:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:46

Back into football, then back into running. Yeah. High rocks came along and yeah. I think that that's probably the biggest thing with confidence in that you you've just got to do something, innit? It's not It's not like what I liked is you go, I'm going to run to the corner shop. Now we've been talking about running this because that's what you do.

SPEAKER_01 44:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:05

But for someone else that might just be walking to the corner shop.

SPEAKER_01 44:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:09

It might be going out.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:12

It might be having a conversation with somebody. It doesn't it's doing something.

SPEAKER_03 44:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 44:17

Anything.

SPEAKER_03 44:18

And I think doing something that is out of your comfort zone. Build build building confidence is always going to be you're never going to build your confidence if you always do the things that are comfortable. So like if walking to the corner shop is your comfort point and you only ever walk to the corner shop and home again, you're only ever going to be able to do that. But if you go beyond the corner shop and home again, all of a sudden your comfort zone's bigger.

SPEAKER_02 44:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:48

You do a 5K push to a marathon, like a 10K half marathon, whatever it may be. You do a high rox with your friend who's really good.

SPEAKER_01 44:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:57

Then you go and do your solo. You've always got to be pushing to make that comfort zone bigger. And I think that's where confidence is built most.

SPEAKER_00 45:06

It could be anything. You know, if I took it out of the world of sports, not just stuff like, you know, whether it's cooking, whether it's like, you know, you start off making something basic that you can do, and then you, you know, egg on toast. Yeah. And then you move to something a bit better, and then you know, not coming in giving up I'm going to do this magnificent meal, starting at the bottom, like you, I'm not going to run a marathon, half marathon or whatever. I'm going to run to the corner shop and get me shin splints.

SPEAKER_03 45:35

Yeah. And yeah, that's it.

What’s Next And Final Takeaways

SPEAKER_00 45:36

And get through them with all. So what's next for you? What was where's the North Star point now? This is the but having known you for a wee while it's like, what are you up to next?

SPEAKER_03 45:46

What am I up to next? I mean, the the fun part is that changes so much. Like, we've spoke about running a lot today, purely because I've just done my half marathon.

SPEAKER_00 45:57

It was last week.

SPEAKER_03 45:57

My ADHD brain is very fixated. That was what I've been enjoying. That's what I've loved. And now on the back of that, I've got a couple of highroxes coming up. So I've got one next weekend. That's a double pro with Ellis. So that's in London, Olympia. So again, out of my comfort zone. Done my first ever one with Ellis last year.

SPEAKER_01 46:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:18

Just about survived. But this one's a pro. Yeah, this one this year is more. I feel like I can slightly keep up with Ellis' time rather than her kind of holding my hand around the course this time. And the second one is that Malaga, so that's a solar pro. Yeah, I'm jet setting. I know you get benched with its part.

SPEAKER_00 46:38

And I do believe we've chatted is it a Friday that it happens?

SPEAKER_03 46:41

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 46:42

So you've got Saturday and Sunday malaga.

SPEAKER_03 46:44

Exactly.

unknown 46:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:46

Amazing. No wonder you wanted to. Is there anything any other doors that's opened up as a result of doing the half and doing the higher ups? Is there anything that is there a glint of a door opening where you've gone, oh that looks interesting. Or has that not happened yet?

SPEAKER_03 46:59

No, it has. Oh dear. Yeah, it has. Oh dear. I know. It gets expensive as well, John. Definitely one thing I have always liked the idea of is a half-iron man. That's something that's something that does intrigue me. I swam as a kid as well. Right. I also cycled a little. That was one of my little endeavours at one point. So I trained for London to Brighton. Unfortunately, that was kind of middle of football going well. Had a small sit back on the sidelines with a broken ankle. That was two weeks before London to Brighton, so never ended up doing that. Then obviously, now I've dipped my toe with a run in. Yeah. So now we can piece it all together. Yeah. So potentially, it wouldn't be anytime soon, but potentially next year, I would entertain the idea of with a half-iron man.

SPEAKER_00 47:49

I'm almost I'm almost dreading myself for asking that question when you've come out with an Iron Man, half-iron man. It's mad. I think big thing about what what strikes me about you, Charlie, is that you know that's I think the first thing was the shift from external, comparing comparing yourself against others to all of a sudden finding the joy and comparing yourself to yourself. Yeah. That internal stuff. And also helping you to find purpose after losing. I didn't, you know, the fact that you went the running and then you went, I'm going to do another kilometre. That's you that's you can that's you that's you competing against yourself and it can I do that? Yeah. And that that that is amazing. And it gets you out of those the the stuck years and and got you moving again. And I think for anybody listening who's lost that that thing that defined them, or who's stuck in the middle without a clear direction, like Charlie won on for those two years, not sure in the dark, I think you said. Charlie, your proof that the next chapter exists. You've just got to find your North Star. And I guess the way you found your North Star a couple of times is by doing something. Doing something.

SPEAKER_01 48:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:59

Is it a walk? Is it a getting out? Is it a cooking something? Is it a whatever your thing is, doing it, not sitting pondering or thinking about it or going back to bed. It's like doing something about it and start competing against yourself. That's what you would do instead of anyone else. Thank you for being so honest about all this and sharing so much with us. That's really you know, I think I think the hope is Charlie that other folks so I go th we all go through the similar thing, and to hear someone else tackling it in a different way helps. That's the big thing. So Charlie, thank you so much.

SPEAKER_03 49:33

No, thank you, John. I've been doing this.

SPEAKER_00 49:35

I'm John M. Walsh. That's let's talk about confidence with our special guest Charlie. And we'll see you in the next episode.